A Night to Remember Affair
by MLaw
Summary: Solo and Kuryakin board a luxury liner while in disguise, searching for a rare Greek antiquity stolen from a prestigious museum in New York How the museum obtained it was questionable. A story told in drabbles. pre-saga
1. Chapter 1

"It was an honor working with..."

"Don't say that, we'll make it," Napoleon said with his usual optimism.

They stood alongside the railing as the cruise ship continued sinking, with the lifeboats gone; they readied to jump.

"_On the count of three my friend?_" Illya nodded.

Just as they reached two, there was a second explosion that sent them hurtling into the sea.

Solo fought against his greatest fear, that of drowning, paddling, to wreckage to cling to, spotting the blond head; he hauled his drenched partner onto the life saving raft, holding him and slapping his back to expel the ocean water he'd swallowed.


	2. Chapter 2

Illya sputtered, then rolled over to his side. "_This is not good."_

"No kidding. Any idea what happened?"

"_When I felt the initial explosion, a crewmen said it was in the boiler room"_

"Wonder if it was our two friends?"

"_Napoleon, they seemed just as surprised as you and me."_

"You saw them?"

"_Yes, I helped them into a lifeboat, they are women, remember?"_

"Oh great, you help them and we get stuck here, smart move."

"_A gentleman does such things in times of..._" Illya suddenly gagged, and abruptly leaned over the edge of the rocking raft to be sick.


	3. Chapter 3

Twenty four hours earlier they had boarded the _Olympic Queen _disguised as crew members, following Ezra Zohar, suspected in the theft of an antiquity from the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City.

Somehow Marius True, an associate of antiquities at the Getty was involved, as were two dealers whose reputations were highly questionable... a German named Emmanuel Hechtmann and an Italian named Mario de Medici.

A priceless Euphronios krater, a red-figured Greek vase from the sixth century B.C. smuggled from an Etruscan tomb in Italy, made its way to the black market, then ending up in the Met..


	4. Chapter 4

Napoleon wandered the port side tying off ropes, trying to look busy while Illya was on the starboard side heading to the ships managers office to take a look at the passenger lists and cabin assignments.

"Why Napoleon Solo, whatever on earth are you doing here?" A familiar voice spoke from behind him. "And look how you're dressed, tsk. Not up to your usual high standards."

"And where is the insufferable Russian?" Her companion asked, her French accent so obvious.

He sighed, seeing the small pistol hidden behind her purse and aimed straight at him.

"You're not being very nice."


	5. Chapter 5

Illya used his loc pic, opening the door in seconds, and quickly stepping inside the office. He headed straight to the filing cabinet, pulling the lists he needed. As he scanned them for Ezra Zohar, he saw two very unexpected but familiar names. Thrush names.

"_Chyort voz'mi!_" He swore softly. _What were they doing here? Could they be after the stolen vase too? It was time to tell his partner. _

He returned the files to their proper place, having memorized the cabin assignments, though somewhat annoyed that Thrush would pay for first class accommodations when U.N.C.L.E. as usual, did not.


	6. Chapter 6

Napoleon was escorted at gunpoint to the Thrush femme fatales cabin, quite surprised at the accommodations.

"Impressive, your organization must, I am sad to say, be doing well."

"Darling, if you'd just change sides, you'd see just how well we live." She leaned forward kissing him, sucking on his lower lip as she pulled away.

"Mmmmm, my turn, her blonde companion said as her partner bound Solo's hands. She straddled his lap, driving her tongue into his mouth.

They removed the agents clothing slowly, receiving little resistance from him.

"Hands?" He whispered hoarsely.

"Not a chance in hell, Napoleon darling."


	7. Chapter 7

Illya ducked unseen into a maintenance closet, pulling his communicator.

"_Channel D- Napoleon? ... chyort._" Nothing.

He activated a homing device in the pen, luckily picking up a signal; following it as it increased in intensity. Illya found himself led to the first class deck, nearing all too familiar cabin numbers.

"_Nyet_, _he did not_?" He sighed, drawing his Walther as he kicked in the door.

"Hi there. Glad you could make it." Napoleon was tied spread-eagle on the bed, in a complete state of undress; the quilt draped discreetly to offer him some dignity. A gift from his captors.


	8. Chapter 8

"_You let them take you unawares?"_

"You knew?"

"_I found their names listed on the passenger manifest."_

"Well, it wasn't like we were expecting them to be here..."

"_True. Think they are after Zohar?"_

"Not sure. They seemed equally surprised to see me. I have a feeling they're on vacation, otherwise why would they have just loved me and left me alive?"

"_Perhaps Angelique's doing, if it were just Serena you would have been a dead man." Illya said coldly._

"Where's Zohar?

"_Two doors down."_

"Would you mind cutting me loose? It's a little drafty."

Illya clicked open his switchblade.


	9. Chapter 9

Angelique smiled as she and Serena listened in on the microphone they had planted in their cabin.

"See dear, I told you Kuryakin was nearby, and of course they'd talk."

" I wonder why they are after him?" Serena asked.

"Hurry darling, we can make it to this Zohar's cabin before they do...tossing Napoleon's clothing everywhere will take time for him to find all the bits, especially his pants. I put them someplace special."

"Angelique, you are the Master...or should I say Mistress."

"No darling, a tactician. I suspected we'd need to delay them, even if for a few minutes."


	10. Chapter 10

"Illya do you see my pants anywhere?"

"_No. How is it you manage to get yourself into these predicaments?"_

"Lucky I just guess," He grinned.

"_You most certainly are. There are your pants."_ He pointed to the stateroom balcony, with the trousers hanging on the railing."

"Would you mind being a buddy and getting them for me...old chum?"

Illya shook his head, opening the sliding door leading outside and retrieving the wayward pants. From the corner of his eye he caught sight of Ezra Zohar on his own balcony reclining dead on a chaise, a bloody gash on his head.


	11. Chapter 11

The pants were tossed to his partner, as he headed to the door with his gun drawn. "_Hurry, it is Zohar."_

Napoleon pulled them on in record time, leaving his shirt tail hanging out as he grabbed his weapon, rushing out after Illya.

Zohar's stateroom was open as the partners charged in, finding it completely ransacked. "Dammit!" Solo cursed. "Would have sworn they hadn't known a thing."

Returning to the women's cabin, Napoleon shrugged. "They have to come back sooner or later."

"_It is a big ship. Do you think they would really return to the scene of the crime?"_


	12. Chapter 12

"Women like Angelique and Serena would never go anywhere without their _accoutrement de beauté, mon ami._ They'll be back.

"_Well then you wait here for them and I will begin to search the ship. They no doubt have taken the Euphronios krater and are most likely hiding it somewhere as we speak...and Napoleon, try not to get yourself tied up in other matters if they return?"_

"Very funny." He snickered at the Russian. "Illya be careful, they may not give you the break they gave me."

"_I hope so_?" He smiled as he left Napoleon sitting on the bed.

...


	13. Chapter 13

Illya went on the prowl, looking everywhere, when there was a loud _BOOM_, rocking the ship violently. Sirens shrieked. A steward ran up on deck, trying to coax panicking passengers into their life jackets, guiding them to the lifeboats.

"_What happened?_" Illya demanded.

"_Oi_, boiler exploded, blew a hole below deck. Please put this life vest on sir, proceed calmly to one of the lifeboat stations."

Illya took it, handing it off to a distressed woman, helping her to fasten it.

"Here grandmother, now you are put to rights. Go this way to a boat." He guided her there.

...


	14. Chapter 14

Napoleon heard the explosion, heading out into the corridor as an announcement was made by the Captain.

"Ladies and Gentlemen if you would be so good as to don your lifevests and proceed to the nearest lifeboat. We are abandoning ship, women and children first. This is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill. First officer to the deck."

A sea of people rushed out, surrounding him. People sobbing, screaming. Amidst the rising din, he saw a child pressing herself against the wall in terror, wailing for Mommy.

"Okay sweetheart." He picked her up. "We'll find her."


	15. Chapter 15

Napoleon held her up, letting her sit atop his shoulders until he heard a woman scream out. "My baby, that's my baby!"

He handed the girl to her mother, giving the child a kiss on the head while he reassuringly stroked her curly hair. "Please don't cry? You'll be alright, just go to the lifeboats. Don't worry, there's enough for everyone."

"Thank you Mister." The woman gasped. They disappeared as they were swept away with the flow of the crowd.

He shook his head, deciding to direct others above the deck, helping those who were struggling with their life preservers.


	16. Chapter 16

Illya was heading to the stairs to go below to find his partner, when the very women he had been searching for appeared. Serena was holding Angelique, helping to walk as her legs were bruised and bloodied.

He stepped up, saying nothing and scooped the wounded Thrush agent into his arms, carrying her to a lifeboat with Serena staying close at his side.

The boat was full, several men sitting in it as it prepared to launch.

"Out!" The Russian ordered them, pulling his gun, lowering the women to the boat as Angelique mouthed, "Merci," reaching her hand to his.


	17. Chapter 17

The decks were empty, and still no sign of Illya. Napoleon helped the last of the passengers into the final lifeboat, but refused when they called for him to join them.

"Have to find a friend." He saluted, trotting off to the starboard side of the ship.

The lights flickered, as water was flooding the electric room. Solo turned a corner, colliding right into his partner; the two grabbing each other by the wrists with a smile.

"_I think we have missed the boat."_ Illya quipped.

They stood, side by side at the railing looking out into the black ocean.


	18. Chapter 18

Screams faded to moans, then to nothing. Once the fires from the sinking ship extinguished, there was only darkness, and the faint light of stars twinkling in the sky. It was peacefully surreal.

Light returned as dawn rose, revealing no sign of any wreck or other survivors while the agents drifted aimlessly, clinging to their small refuge.

The Russian having had a rough night with his continued sea sickness rolled to his side. He saw it, a dark fin rising from beneath the surface, circling them. If it hit the raft, it would send them toppling to become tasty morsels.


	19. Chapter 19

One day turned into two, the relentless heat of the sun burned their dry chapped lips. Napoleon could feel himself fading as held Illya, cradling the Russian as he'd become weaker from the seasickness, making him dehydrate faster.

Solo knew they'd be dead within 72 hours if help didn't arrive soon. They couldn't survive that long without drinking water. He took a calming breath, closing his eyes, weary of seeing nothing but an empty horizon. Rocking waves lulled him to sleep.

When all hope seemed lost, he heard it. "Ahoy!" A large freighter drew up alongside, pulling them to safety.


	20. Chapter 20

**Illya woke to the sound of the light tapping of rain against a window pane, his eyes were drawn to it; silhouetted in the light was the familiar outline of his partner.**

He tried to speak, but the only sound he made was a hoarse croak.

Solo turned, smiling at him. "About time you woke up you lazy bum."

He fed his partner ice chips until he was able to speak, but barely in a whisper.

"How many were lost?"

"A dozen or so." He lowered his head.

"Them?"

"Yes."

Illya closed his eyes, going back to an uneasy sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

Once released, they returned to New York, their faces still showing after affects of wind and sunburn.

A voice in the back of Illya's head called to him, making him pull up the passenger manifest, comparing it against the list of survivors, whispering to him not to believe the Thrush women gone.

He suspected Napoleon felt the same way, though neither of them had discussed it since the death tally was finalized.

Angelique and Serena were listed as dead, bodies recovered, yet Illya found something puzzling, two survivors names who were not on the manifest. They were listed as sisters.


	22. Chapter 22

It was possible to have undocumented passengers, especially in third class, but this was too much of a coincidence. _Înger and Seninătate Blondă, _ names that did not match anywhere, yet they were both listed as first class passengers. Romanian names that translated to... _Angel_ and _Serenity Blonde._

"No doubt, Serena's depraved sense of humor, leaving us an obtuse message they had both survived." Illya groused.

Six weeks later word reached U.N.C.L.E. that the _antiquity _was again for sale on the black market...

"You won this round ladies." Solo looked pensively at the report.

"_Or have they?_ Illya cocked his eyebrows.


	23. Chapter 23

"_By rights that 2,500 year-old vase belongs to Italy," Illya said, it was looted from an excavation site near Rome. The market for illicit artifacts is too lucrative a business, so I fear we will see more of this activity now that Thrush has gotten wind of the great profitability aspect of such acquisitions."_

"I don't like it when Thrush gets the better of us my friend." Napoleon said with determination. "Let's go _re-acquire_ that vase."

The twinkle in the senior agents eye told the unusually optimistic Russian without a shadow of a doubt, they would succeed this time.

"_Da."_


End file.
